WTF am I doing here?

You're guess is as good as mine!

Hey y’a’ll, it’s been a while.

I’m officially done with my first year of my creative writing grad program, and I’m finally emerging from the fog of the productivity grindset that has propelled me through the past nine months. This is my greatest superpower and also my biggest curse; I can tap into my OCD to keep me on track, but it can also steer me in the wrong direction too. 

I want to do everything, always, and I’ve been thinking a lot about why that is. I tend to jump onto new ideas and opportunities without thinking them through, spinning my wheels until I burn out and give up. Ultimately, I think this drive to try things stems from two places: a desire to understand the world in order to write about a wide range of topics and experiences and insecurity. Instead of focusing on my writing, I will find elaborate ways to do anything but write by telling myself that it will allow me to quit my job and focus on writing (including, but not limited to starting an Etsy shop and an oddly-formatted podcast). 

I want to give myself the best opportunity to succeed in the career I’ve always dreamed of having, which means focusing on my writing regardless of whether or not I’m getting paid for it yet. It’s okay to let go of dreams and goals that no longer serve me. It’s okay to let other people be the best at things and feel comfortable and confident with myself and my abilities. I don’t have to do everything and I don’t have to want to do everything. I’m at the point in my life where I want to hone in on the things I do well and that bring me joy.

While my main focus this summer, writing-wise, is working on what will hopefully become my debut novel, I also want to give myself some shorter-term goals that will help build my writing career in the meantime. Don’t get me wrong, I looove a long-term goal. I’m content to keep pushing until I succeed, but novel writing isn’t exactly the most straightforward (or lucrative) career, especially not at first. 

If I want to make a career out of writing, I should be taking every opportunity to get my words out there. And I have been! I’ve had two short stories published, Losing It and Just Friends, and have a third out in the world currently looking for a home (but if you want to hear me pretend to be a horny Japanese boy, you can listen to it on Columbia College Chicago’s podcast, A Round with Writers). Each time I’ve told my husband about an acceptance, his first question is “how much does it pay?” He can’t fathom a world in which someone is not paid for their work, but such is the literary journal scene. I’ve had to be the bearer of bad news, that in some cases I’ve actually paid for the privilege of being rejected.

So that leads me here, to my Substack. I’m still working out the details, figuring out exactly what direction I want to take here. Expect to see a chaotic variety of posts throughout the summer as I experiment. I’m hoping that once I can come up with a value proposition, I will be able to put my marketing degree to good use and build up an audience with the ultimate goal of turning on paid subscriptions. 

If you’re reading this, thanks for being here! Your support means the world, and there is lots more to come. 

xoxo,

SLP