As you’re reading this, I’m on my honeymoon in Japan, probably slightly overwhelmed and full of mushy gushy feelings for my husband.
I’m also at a point in my life where I need to make a few lifestyle changes because I’ve chosen a career path that is more of a marathon than a sprint. The good news is that I’ve always been the tortoise—now I’m just no longer interested in trying to be the hare. Unfortunately, that means I have to let go of some of the things I’d like to have in order to pursue the ones I want most.
That also means I have to spend some time untangling the idea I’ve built up in my head of who I should be with the vision I have of who I want to be. I am no longer interested in who I should be, nor am I interested in feeling ashamed for, ultimately, never living up to the impossible expectations I’ve had for myself for a long time: Always striving to be the best, to earn that gold-star A+, reaching for a few more points of extra credit. Of course I’m never satisfied with success—there’s always another blue ribbon to reach for.
But the things I want for myself have been with me for as long as I’ve been alive. Like, seriously, I started preschool a year early because I could read already (allegedly). I was helping the kids in my class spell in Kindergarten, and by third grade I was writing my own short stories and stapling the pages into little booklets. No one had told me no before, the seeds of doubt and impostor syndrome hadn’t set in yet.
I have this little theory that if I start having more faith in myself, everything else will fall back into place.
I hope 2024 is treating you well so far, and that you check back in with me sometime.
xoxo,
S